Shoulding

If there's one word I'm trying to eradicate from my vocabulary today, it's should. I should have gone for a run, or hit the gym--I'm six weeks away from the Boston Marathon. I should have gone to the store this weekend and picked up things to make dinner for the week--cereal for dinner does not a well-balanced diet make. I should be working tonight--the next two months are going to be hectic with work, I'm just not sure I'm going to be able to stay afloat. I should, I should, I should.


Whenever my brain heads to shouldville, I tend to shut down. It turns everything I could do into horrid chores and then I choose to rebel against myself and not do them (ahem, should call the plumber to fix the dishwasher, anyone?). So when I walked into my house after work, I went upstairs, lay on my bed and immediately started beating myself up for all of the "shoulds" I should have been accomplishing at that very moment. There was so much noise in my head, that after about 15 minutes of me verbally accosting myself I jumped up; declared "Enough!"; grabbed my laptop, wallet and car keys; and headed out the door. I'm not at the gym, and I'm not at the store. Obviously, I'm not working. I'm also not eating cereal, and in reality, I'm not worried about the fact that I'm running the Boston Marathon in six weeks.


In the midst of my mental Civil War, I realized that the only thing I should do tonight is what I want to do. So, I drove myself to my all-time favorite Seattle spot (which happens to have Wi-Fi), ordered myself my favorite grown-up cocktail and fabulous "not cereal" dinner, and decided to blog about it. My crankiness has faded and I'm happy (and well-fed), and this is how it should be.