Patent pending

The other day I was driving in to work, when traffic came to a halt. I stopped in time, but was definitely caught daydreaming right before I hit the brakes, and as I looked into the rear view mirror, I wasn't 100% confident that the car behind me was going to stop in time, ultimately causing my daydream to quickly shift to visions of life flashing before my eyes.

And after that life flash, I went back to daydreaming, only my daydreaming was really a flashback to the only real car accident I've ever been in (excuse me while I go find some wood on which to knock). It was 1982 and I was about five years old. I remember distinctly that I was at home, watching my all-time favorite show, well, favorite show next to The Dukes of Hazard and/or Dallas, although I didn't really ever watch full episodes of Dallas, but man I sure loved the opening credits of that show and I had a crush on Bobby and boy was that "J Arthur" a bad man. So there I was, watching my favorite daytime syndication cartoon, Super Friends--Wonder Woman, Superman, and Aquaman, oh my--when my mom comes downstairs and says we have run to the bank.

UH! BUT MOOOOOOOOM! SUPER FRIENDS IS ON! HELLO?!

She can confirm this, but I'm pretty sure I threw a fit because how could life as I know it go on without seeing the ending of this riveting cartoon? I mean will they save the world or not? How can you expect me to leave when all of our lives hang in this very delicate balance?! I'll tell you how, because she was the boss of me, and she gave me a couple of apple slices, which shut me up and she also assured me it would be quick and we'd be back in time to see the end (at which point she should have found some wood on which to knock). Famous. Last. Words.

A few minutes later and a few blocks from home, we were hit by a school bus. Fortunately we were driving a tank in the form of an Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight. I'm not sure how much damage was done to the car but all of us inside were fine, except for my apple slice that flew out of my hand and landed on the floor. I was so sad that it was laying there, with dirt on it, totally inedible and completely out of reach. I also remember that we sat there for what felt like an eternity, with the kids on the school bus staring down at us in our blue boat, and I was devastated that the trip was not quick like the boss of me had promised and I MISSED THE END OF SUPER FRIENDS! Had I seen it I'm sure I would have led a much more successful and fulfilling life, but alas, here I am today.

And there I was then, stuck in my booster seat, restrained by the safety locked seat belt, unable to eat my apple, missing my favorite animated amazon Wonder Woman, a tiny tear trickling down my cheek (I was always had a little bit of drama in me), daydreaming about how one day I would invent a tiny seat belt for my apple (true story). And as cool as that tiny seat belt would have been--not to mention totally practical and necessary--I think the real game-changing-license-to-print-money invention that would have saved the day Super Friends-style here was the DVR. Had I daydreamed that, we'd be talking a unbelievably successful and fulfilled life. Damn, missed opportunities.

Note to self: Daydream big (tiny seat belts for apples might be too limiting).