Dance moves I didn't learn from Tiffany

Note to self: When heading to the head banger's ball, learn how to bang your head.

Growing up as an innocent little teeny-bopper, I was never quite able to pull off the metal role convincingly. However, there were multiple times I tried. And although some of those monster jams and ballads have been permanently ingrained in my head, so much so that I can whistle along with the Scorpions at Safeway, I still have difficulty pretending I'm a banger.

At junior high dances, it was a requisite that the DJ would play Metallica's "Enter Sandman," followed by Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." It's just how it was done and you don't mess with a good thing at the junior high dance--or you may be faced with awkward tweener rage, and let's face it, even the most brave DJ doesn't want to deal with that.

So, if you were like me, loving all things that appeared on "Rick Dees and the Weekly Top 40"--especially slow songs by Bryan Adams or Boyz 2 Men--then you loved that little crazy streak you had when they'd suddenly move into the grunge and metal phase of the dance. It was time to HEAD BANG! Yes, head bang like the cool kids.

And, if you were like me, you would totally pull the scrunchy that was holding the side pony-tail on your head out of your hair, slide it on your wrist, and begin to thrash your whole upper torso up and down, violently whipping your hair back and forth. HEAD BANG!

And, if you were like me, you would think you looked really cool. And also, you would have a stiff neck two days later. Never the day after (why is that?), but two days after, you would have decreased range in motion of the neck and upper back.

And, if you are like me, and you have the opportunity to resurrect your dorky youth, and sing Metallica on Rock Band (which of course means you have to HEAD BANG! through all of the guitar solos), you know that the neck issue you faced 18 years ago is still an issue... two days later. But this time you know for a fact that you do look really cool.