My dirty little secret

And it has absolutely nothing to do with sweaters.

My dirty little secret is something I love so much--again, not the sweaters. It's this blog.

Those of you reading it are probably thinking it's not so secret, I mean you know about it, right? And the truth is, I don't know how many people do know about it. Out of my close friends and my family, I know who reads it regularly (or semi-regularly), but I don't know who randomly stumbles upon it--and there's something simultaneously exciting and paralyzing about that.

I do my best to maintain relative anonymity speaking in generalities and code names both to protect friends and family, and to keep this a place where I can divulge information without it being too discoverable or identifiable to those random stumblers. That being said there are certain people that I assume have absolutely no idea about this blog and it makes me wonder, should they?

Primarily, it has me thinking about New Friend. Ah-ha! I can hear some of your wheels turning. New Friend? New Friend is still in the picture? We haven't heard about New Friend since we celebrated the blog's b-day. Well, yes, New Friend is still in the picture.

And the thing is I really like New Friend a lot, still. And I feel like there's going to come a time when I have to tell New Friend about my note taking. And that makes me nervous. And vulnerable. Partly because letting him know about my notes, is letting him know about all of my crazy (how about we say endearing idiosyncrasies?). And I know that is something that is really important and that he should know about and that I actually do want him to know about, but outside of the blogosphere I can control the amount of crazy I dole out in each sitting. Here, he has a veritable library of my neurosis at his disposal. We seriously could catalogue them with the Dewey decimal system. Granted, I think a lot of it is highly entertaining and is a genuine glimpse into my brain, but overdosing on that without the context of my whole being to balance it out, would it be too much?

Then there's the thought of what I have said about him and about us. I believe I live my life with integrity, and think that any mention of New Friend has only been what I've been feeling in my heart. Some things that he already knows, and other things that I would want to share with him in person before I give him his LMNT library card. And I wonder if the longer it takes, the harder it will be? But I won't know for awhile, I'm not quite ready yet. So the secret stays, mine and yours.