Boo Humbug

Halloween is pure insanity at work. Not because people are all costumed out, but because the entire company (and it's a REALLY big company) opens its doors up for the children of the world to come and trick-or-treat down the hallways.

Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not anti-kid. And some day I want some of my own; I do, I really do. But Halloween at work is painful. I used to think it was because it made traffic insanely horrible (essentially increasing the number of cars on campus and then on the roads and highway by a few thousand). But that's not the piece of straw that broke my back this year. Sure, the kids were cute, generally. And it breaks up the work day having them sprint down the hall from office to office (and it's even funnier when they trip over their costumes, and that doesn't make me anti-kid, that just makes me the person that thinks people tripping is funny--and Cheerleader, I know that is upsetting to you on many levels, but it's true). However not every office has candy. Busted.

Note to self: Stock up on candy now so you can fill a bowl for next year's craziness.

It was the stink eyes I was getting from parents; that's what made the day so painful. Even though I had my office door closed, which in my mind is equivalent to a house not having its porch light on, an obvious sign to not go a knocking, that didn't stop people from walking by, and looking into my office with crusty glances that spoke volumes. "You should be ashamed of yourself. No candy? Think of my poor child. And you call yourself a team player..."

At one point a girl about 10 or 11, plastered herself up against my office window. Just staring at me. I tried to give her the typical office brushoff: avoid eye contact at all cost and focus on your computer with laser precision. But she wouldn't budge. So I had to look at her and mouth, "Sorry, Phantom of the Opera (someone had clearly been to the theatre lately), I don't have any candy." I shrugged, gave her a forced frowny face and carried on with my work. Moments later when her mom walked by, I swear to you I heard an audible "tsk, tsk" through my closed door.

Oh, yeah? Well, lady, you'll love the fact that earlier in the day, I walked up and down the hall and "tested" the candy from most of the bowls. Yeah. That just happened. And in some eyes that means I was stealing candy from children, and may relegate me to the lowest position on the socially acceptable people totem pole (the position just below people that think people tripping is funny), but someone had to check and make sure those Kit-Kats didn't contain needles. I was doing your little one a favor. So please take your scornful glance down some other hallway, I have a VERY important Facebook emergency that I'm working on.