Replacements

So, last night I made what I think may be my last attempt at ridding myself of my figurative marinara jars. The marinara is just weighing me down; it's really cumbersome, and some days I can't stop wallowing in it (yes, wallowing in figurative marinara).

You see, my jars are my most recent relationship. It ended five months ago, and for the most part I'm doing well. But for the other parts, I know that I'm internalizing a lot of things that I shouldn't be (and those are the figurative Tupperware of leftovers that keep gnawing at me) and I'm working on that. But it's just time to be done with the marinara. My head knows this, but my heart is a few steps behind.

I had a little episode last week with my jar--one that I'm not particularly proud of, but that I know was a manifestation of some of the frustrations and pain I've been holding inside. Apparently, this jar has found a new jar, and that just drove me up the wall (I don't need any more unwanted jars in my fridge, right?). And it's not so much the new jar that bugs me--let's face it, someday I too will get a new jar. It's more the fact that how can he be ready for that new jar so soon. Again, things I know I should not be internalizing and that I have no control over, and that are honestly, none of my business. I'm working on letting go of all of that.

But here's the real thing, I found out today that indirectly, I know this new jar. And it's in the smallest world sort of ways, not because she was a mutual friend or anything, she's someone with whom I was briefly associated. So that weirds me out a little.

The thing that is helping me keep my sanity through this all is the fact that I do know this jar. It's a fine jar. Cute and nice, but honestly a plain and simple jar. So I think, "you're replacing me with that? That is what you've been looking for? That's the follow-up? Wow." Cute and nice may be fine and well, but personally I think they are b-o-r-i-n-g. I like to think that my own jar is dynamic and full of energy, passion, compassion. It's real beauty--so much more than cute and nice. And that makes me feel better.

I'm determined to rid my fridge of unwanted jars and to help get my heart up to speed with my head, I keep repeating today's note:

Note to self: My "follow-up" WILL be a step up!

Sayonara, marinara; hello, pesto!