Commitment for the phobic

I've had a long-time struggle with commitment. And I'm not talking about relationships--although, some could argue that it is a self-protection mechanism I may employ. I'm talking about an issue I have with commiting to basically anything: what to wear in the morning, what to eat, making plans with people, joining groups, what color to paint a room, and on and on... Essentially, if you get me to commit to something you should know that 1.) you are very lucky, and 2.) I must really think you're a good friend. There is a chance you should think 3.) maybe all of my other options fizzled out and when I was finally ready to commit, you were all that was left--but I really only think that, maybe ten percent of the time.

But this is not a post about why I can't commit--leave that for the therapist I should see, but haven't committed to. No. This is a post about how I cannot believe I have a blog now, because it is such a commitment.

I know that in order to be a "good" blogger, you need to post regularly. And lord knows I came out of the womb striving to be "good." So I'm trying really hard to commit. You see, I've never been one who journals. I always wanted to be, though. I have countless journals tucked into chests, drawers, and closets in my house. Each one brimming with the potential to capture my story, but each one sadly empty except for maybe one or two entries that all say, "This year is going to be different, I will commit to writing..."

I've contemplated getting a dog, but what holds me back is the fact that it's such a commitment. You've got to take care of it, come home and nurture it, and even buy health insurance for it (well, you don't have to, but you could). Tonight I was at my friends' house and thought, "I need to get home to write a post." I had to come home to my blog--and I try to convince myself that is not at all depressing. I needed to take care of it, and nurture it, but thankfully it does not need insurance. So for now, instead of a dog, I have a blog. Baby steps.

Here's the deal I've made with myself. Seven entries in seven days. After that first week, I'm going to try to establish posting at least three times a week. I can't promise much, but I am going to try.

Note to self: It's only a blog, it doesn't need to be let out to pee three times a day and it doesn't need training to stop from jumping on your guests. If you can't commit to this, you definitely need a theraputic intervention.

Here and now I'm making the commitment to you that I will post regularly--but who are you? Nobody and everybody.