What I said

STOP! Before you read this post, make sure you read this one, and this one, and then this one. Okay, you may proceed.

Me: So can I ask you a random question?

Him: Sure.

Me: I noticed you walked in with a book and I'm doing a little bit of a social study and am wondering if you came in with the intent to read the book, or did you bring it so that you have something to do sitting here at the bar alone, so that you don't look alone, or desperate, or anything?

Him: (Looks at me quizzically)

Me: See, I came here alone and brought my laptop, because I normally bring something--laptop, book, magazine--to kill the time and so that I look like I'm the single girl who's so self-assured she can come out to eat alone and do her own thing because she's an independent woman, she's got it together, she doesn't need no stinking other person there! So, I'm sitting on my laptop, pontificating about that very point when you walked in the door and saddled up to the bar with a book, and I thought to myself, I should see what happens and should also see if other people think like I do, or if maybe they have pure intentions to read or whatever, which they could do in the quiet comforts of their own home.

Him: (Laughs). You are so right. What did you say your name was?

Yes, friends, that's how the conversation went... in my head.

As I was leaving the pub, I ran to the bathroom and got my courage up to talk to him on the way out. I looked cute, smelled good, and knew what I was going to say. I headed back up to the front, took a deep breath, gave myself one last cheer (You can do this, Little Ms. Notetaker! Make your readers proud), took one step in his direction, course corrected and walked myself right out of there.

I chickened out.

And I already know what most of you are thinking. And don't worry, I've already given myself a talking to. I can't believe I didn't go talk to him, 1.) because I think he actually would have been receptive, and 2.) because I clearly need the practice. But I didn't. I just hopped in my car and came home. And I know why I didn't, but that's a topic that I'm not delving into in this post.

Suffice it to say that I'm feeling a little exposed now. I mean, normally I go through this whole process in my brain. But this time, I put it out there--in pseudo real-time--for all to read about, and now the Internets knows that I'm chicken.

That, in and of itself, may be enough for me to change my typical behavior.