Not a bird or a plane

When I was but a little Little Ms. Notetaker, I was obsessed with superheroes and was absolutely convinced that I was most definitely one of them. It started with Wonder Woman. I would spin and spin and spin in my basement, just hoping it would make me magically transform into a beautiful buxom Amazon woman from the Bermuda Triangle. Oh, to have a lasso of truth, bullet proof wrist guards, boomerang headband, gold lame bustier, and an invisible plane. Instead I had to settle for a jump rope, sweat bands, underoos, and a big wheel. But that didn't stop me from believing and spinning. Sadly, I have yet to receive a call from the Justice League informing me of their unanimous decision to welcome me into the inner-circle, but that hasn't stopped me from trying, and I think I've finally found my niche.

Yes, Internets, I'm going to come clean with my true superhero strength: I have the uncanny ability to win raffle drawings. True, conditions must be just right (i.e., I need to be in the room where the drawing is occurring, and I need to have absolute focus), but when they are, what I am capable of is nothing short of astonishing.

I remember the first time my powers were actualized. It was a 4-H event, and I won this incredible little mouse figurine made out of rocks, hot-glue gunned together and painted with craft paint. The sad thing is, I really wanted to win another prize in that drawing, and I've been winning random junk ever since then. Here's something you should know about super powers, you have to go with what you get--my powers are winning raffle drawings and unfortunately they have no bearing on what prize that will be won. Just be grateful you won something, okay? And stop looking a raffle-prized horse in the mouth, would ya?

It is here that I would like to add that I use my powers for good; I don't hoard all the prizes, but share the wealth by helping my friends win, too. In my old job, we had a giant all-staff holiday event, the highlight of which was a raffle. One year, I helped three of the people at my table win. Others thought it was rigged, but oh, did I know better.

And, as I have seen it fit to let Mr. McMichael know about my junior high code for menstruation, and the fact that I delight in sleeping on a bed with no sheets, it is also fair that he should know about my superhero tendency. On Saturday night we unknowingly walked into a raffle opportunity. When it was time for the first round of drawings, he said, "I've never won anything." I dismissed him with a quick little, "I always win, and I'll win you something in a second, but right now I need to seriously focus." I did my thing and wouldn't you know it, mine was the next number called. That's right, I won myself a t-shirt and a pint glass.

After I got that first one out of the way, I turned my attention to Mr. McMichael and told him to prepare himself because it was about to be his lucky day. Mr. "I've never won anything" walked out of there with his own t-shirt and not one, but two pint glasses (okay, one of those pint glasses had nothing to do with my raffle super powers, but everything to do with the fact that I'm so damn cute that the raffle master just couldn't resist adding to our loot).

Note to self: You may not ever become a buxom Amazon beauty, but that's not because you don't have special powers, that's just genetics. Maybe you aren't supposed to have a truth-telling lasso or an invisible plane, maybe you are supposed to have cupboards full of brewery swag. Anyone who tells you that is less cool is just a jealous loser. Tell them I said that. Oh, and give them the shirt; you're never going to wear it anyway.