Serial first dater

I've been called out. Oh, the blogger's shame.

So the other night (when I had JIT on the brain), I had gone on a date. One of my loyal readers--and honest friends--chastised me the next morning when my post made no mention of said date. Perhaps the fact that I did not come home and blog on that is indication of just how that date went? I think her exact words were, "Great, so you have clean underwear, now pack already."

I find myself in a bit of a pattern. In the past two to three months, I've been talking with several guys and have been on many dates. The only thing is, I've only gone on first dates. I am a serial first dater.

That's not to say I've been going on bad dates, because honestly they have all been good dates. They just haven't been great dates. The conversation has been good and we've usually shared some common interests. There are not too many lulls in the conversation--unlike some of my dating escapades of the past, I think I'm a better screener this time around and am finding people that have connection potential... but for some reason, a connection hasn't been made there.

It gets me wondering about two things: 1.) how am I being perceived? and 2.) are they waiting for some sort of sign from me?

The first dates I've been on are all inanely formulaic. Meet for drinks or coffee... I rattle off my story, he rattles off his, witty clever banter, blah, blah, blah, bill comes, we pay (usually split it... I always offer to pay or split), we leave, we hug, and here's the most important part, we always say, "that was fun. It was nice meeting you."

If they are waiting for a sign from me, I know that I'm not giving one. Partly because I haven't felt any initial chemistry that makes me want to devote more energy to this burgeoning relationship, and partly because I'm waiting for a sign from him. If he'd add on and say, "that was fun, let's do it again sometime," I'm sure we would. But seriously, every date is ending with the it-was-nice-meeting-you-and-I'm-not-leaving-anything-out-there-that-I-may-be-interested-in-you-and-that-we-should-meet-up-again. So we don't. In fact, I haven't even so much as had e-mail correspondence (let's not forget that each of these dates has had at least 2 or 3 e-mails prior to us meeting up) with anyone of these potential suitors.

It seems weird to me that out of all of these guys--we'll say it's 5 right now--not one has been even remotely interested in a second date. Okay, now when I reread that sentence I sound really egotistical. And a little bit I am. I think I'm a catch, and it's a hard pill for my ego to swallow to think that none of these guys think the same? Which leads me to think my first thought: how am I being perceived? What am I doing that is getting in my own way? Or maybe what am I not doing that I could or should be doing? True, I haven't really been interested in any of these guys--but come on, even if I'm not interested can't at least one of you be interested in me? Oh my poor poor ego.

But before I give in to the bitterness of singledom, there is a ray of hope. I have a date with a non-match.com person and I have a good feeling about it. And no matter how I've been perceived on my most recent dates, and whether or not he's waiting for a sign--he's going to get authentic me. I'm tired of the formulas and I'm bored of the first date routine. The real me is going to shine through--and if he perceives that as something he likes, great, if not, then onto the next one--and if I'm feeling something he'll be getting a sign.

Note to self: Be yourself and good things will follow.

Maybe even a second date?