You can now LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY. Finally.

Fifth grade. A year when ‘tweeners are priming the pump for adolescence. A year when kids are nearing the top of the primary school food chain, but the unknown realm of junior high is looming. A year when boys and girls start becoming more aware of themselves and aware that other people are aware of them, but maybe a year when some of them remain blissfully unaware of this awareness.


Fifth grade. It was the year we learned how to deal with peer pressure (instead of spray painting the side of the school, let’s go bake a cake!), the year we were able to play four square with the legendary fifth grade teacher Mr. Davey, and the year some of us discovered our inner rock-stars--or maybe center-of-attention fiends?


Have you found yourself wondering, whatever happened to Northridge Elementary School’s Singing Detectives? Haven’t we all? Join us now as we take a look behind the music at the rise and fall of Southpark Road’s 1988 wunder-band.


The setting: out on the blacktop at the fifth and sixth grade combined recess. Most of the kids queued up to challenge each others in four square, a few kids shooting baskets, and a couple more playing tetherball. It’s a recess like most other recesses at a school like most other schools, enter the Singing Detectives.


This girl group, sympathetic to their classmates waiting patiently in line for their turn in Davey’s Rules four square, saw an opportunity to make recess a little more enjoyable for one and all. They could sing, by golly! No longer would little Johnny have to stand their bored waiting his turn. No, sir. Instead he could stand there waiting his turn with the sounds of familiar tunes as background filler.


Ah yes, Little Ms. Notetaker and her VBFF with a couple of other background singers, formed the nucleus of the Singing Detectives (how we solved elementary school capers is a completely different post). We provided hours (in 20 minute blocks of time) of entertainment recess after recess.


It was the late 80s, and if you think about it, there weren’t many female rockers to idolize (Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, and Belinda Carlisle aside), but when it came to reaching a broad audience, we were seeking a timeless act that could speak to all segments of our playground audience (teachers included). Our signature hit was our rendition of the Beatle’s classic (undoubtedly from watching Ferris Bueller’s Day Off one too many times) “Twist and Shout.” We were an a capella group and we had our act down—with choreography and everything.


Not to fall prey to one-hit wonderdom, we quickly added a second tune to our repertoire, “Mary Mack.” We stretched our creative and vocal styling to take this jump rope chant into a catchy tune that spoke to our audience in ways our first hit could not. Lyrics to the first verse below:


Mary Mack/Dressed in black/Silver buttons down her back
She asked her mother for fifteen cents/To watch the elephants jump over the fence
(Background singers: Doo-wah, Doo-wah, Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-wah)


You get the picture (as long as the picture you have is one of absolute awkward absurdity).


We catapulted to recess fame. Before we knew it we had a growing fan base and had rows two or three people deep cheering on our act. I daresay we were schoolyard heroes. And what do they do with schoolyard heroes, well just like any flash-in-the-pan elementary school rock group they put us up on stage—at an all-school assembly. Now that’s not to say they threw an assembly in our honor. No, it was a pep rally for the Denver Broncos. Yes. You read that right. Our school had a pep rally for the Broncos as they were on their way to—annihilation—Super Bowl XXII. Did any Broncos show up? No. But the entire school was graced with a special guest appearance by the Singing Detectives. We covered our cover of "Twist and Shout" with made up lyrics about the Broncos and the Washington Redskins:


Well, here we go Broncos now (Here we go Broncos)/Can those Hogs! (Oink oink, splat)


Needless to say, our spirit didn’t seem to help the Broncos, but now we had a third song to add to our rotation. And back on the playground our set pretty much went, "Twist and Shout," "Mary Mack," encore with "Here we go Broncos." It wasn’t long before the routine became stale (and it is quite possible that we were the last to know that), and our once adoring fans started to actually tune us out (gasp, the nerve!). We tried to reconnect by taking requests—I made up my best Spanish words to belt out La Bamba—but to no avail. Our fifteen minutes of fame were over before we knew it. The sex, the drugs, and the real rock-and-roll eluded us. Thank goodness!

So where are they now? Angie is raising a family and has two precious little girls. If they are anything like their mother (and I hope they will be), they are going to grow up with that same carefree attitude of embracing themselves and not trying to be what they think other people want; who knows maybe they'll have a musical group of their own someday? And me, well I like to think that our playground antics were pointing toward things to come (i.e., my new found desire to act out my dorkiness on stage).

And while I can’t say that we have a reunion tour planned, I can say that looking back on our heyday reminds me that the innocence and naiveté of childhood—not caring or even knowing how dorky you may or may not be—is truly fantastic.