Internets, I have an incredibly huge crush on Malcolm Gladwell.
He may be a new addition to my list, only I'm not sure which list. Either the "Top Five Famous People List" a la that old Friends episode (some current members of my list include Johnny Depp, John Cusack, and Tina Fey... yes, Tina Fey), or maybe the "Top Five Strangely Hot List" (which would put him in with Jack Black, Gene Hackman, and Jim Murray).
Regardless of the list he's on, the guy is amazing! And yes, I do have a little bit of a thing for his crazy curly hair. On Friday, he was speaking at work about his newest book, and I was a mere twenty feet away from him. Swoon. He is such a nerd. Swoon. And, he's incredibly passionate about his work. Swoon.
He gave us a brief overview of a couple of his upcoming articles in The New Yorker, as he casually sipped from a can of Pepsi. Afterward, he was whisked away to another speaking engagement at a Foundation event. Oh, my poor little nerd heart ached to see him leave.
Note to self: Careful the impetuous things ridiculous infatuations will tempt you to do.
Like subscribe to The New Yorker, or steal a can of Pepsi.
In my defense, it was over an hour after he left the room--it's not like I pried it out of his bony hand. I just happened to stay in the room after the lecture to get some work done and when I went to leave, I looked up at the podium and realized his can of Pepsi was still there. Curious to see how much of it was left I went and picked it up. And then it hit me. Malcom Gladwell's hand touched this very same object. Cautiously, I looked around the very empty room, my heart racing, certain I was going to get caught. Caught by whom and for what, I don't know? Being exceptionally nerdy? Molesting an innocent aluminum can?
The next thing I knew, I was leaving the room, carrying his Pepsi--which, by the way was half-full. By the time I hit the parking garage, I was laughing at the absurdity of the fact that I had just stolen someone's old, flat, pop. But I was still smitten with the thought that that someone is a very smart man, a man who's on staff at The New Yorker! Not an hour before, that very someone was in possession of this then new, bubbly pop. And then, I realized not only had he held this very can, but he had also drank from it. What, I wondered, would happen were I to drink from it? Would my hair spring up and out? Would I write amazingly simple, yet profound pieces on pop sociology? Would I get caught for being a nerd-stalker? All these thoughts were swimming in my brain as I took a big, long, look at that can.
I didn't do it. I cannot stand Pepsi.
8 comments:
more of a coke person i see. i understand...
Thank God you didn't.Didn't you learn you could get pregnant that way? Not to mention "boy cooties".
My old boss in NYC wnet on a date with Galdwell once. Tehy made out and then he never called her.
You can get pregnant that way too
ovests
Oh my gosh. Tag ME as the nerd. Without thinking (probably distracted thinking about how funny your post was) I typed in the word verification code as my comment. And then, I had to have typed it in again to publish it. I'm an idiot.
And so here we go with the third comment, because I forgot to say what I actually WANTED to say before I published that last comment.
Now that I've completely monopolized your comments and made myself look like a total moron...
I love you so much I can't stand it. I know you so well that I can just see you sweating bullets while you considered stealing someone's trash. And in the end, the last line was hilarious, and totally expected since I know you're a Coke girl. You're too much, Kath.
(And in case you're wondering: VERSTAP. That's my word verification on this comment.)
I do believe I just might make you a shadow box so you can properly display your Malcolm Gladwell pepsi can.
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