Renewal

Internets, regardless what you think, I've not been avoiding you. I've been avoiding this post.

Life is very busy, very full. Things are picking up at work, I have a lead role in a play which opened on Thursday and Mr. McMichael and I broke up. Yes. That's what I said.

What can I say? Was it a surprise? Yes and no. We had an amazing relationship. Amazing. This relationship was unlike any other I have had in my life, and I know now I cannot settle for anything less than that. Ever. While so many things with us were great, sometimes that's just not enough. It took me a long time to get to where I needed to get--essentially the entire span of our relationship, but the important thing is that I got there. And I'm so grateful for the journey.

I love Mr. McMichael dearly. And even better I finally love myself more than I ever knew I could. I love who I was in the relationship-- the real me, absolutely 100% at all times. I learned so much about giving of myself, about being vulnerable, about silencing my inner-Gremlin, and most importantly about following my heart. And ultimately, that's what led us both to our decision to end the relationship.

Just as much as this relationship was unlike any other, so was the break-up. It's really hard for me to put it into words. If I think about some of the more emotionally raw break-ups I've had, I remember feeling broken--sometimes for weeks, months even. I'm laughing now with the realization that of course we feel broken, we call it a break up. I don't know what I would call what happened with Mr. McMichael, but I do know that I don't feel broken at all. If anything I feel more whole. When I think about us ending our relationship, we both came into that conversation with so much love in both of our hearts and so much care and consideration for ourselves and each other. Sure, it was sad, very sad. But even more it was authentic, powerful, and was honestly amazing. There was no way more fitting to honor what we had together and I love that.

So, now I find myself in a time and place that is new for me. In the past, I'd still be trying to pick up the pieces of myself, my confidence, my ability to love and be loved; I'd be broken. But here I am, feeling more myself, more confident, more able to love myself and someday someone else. As hard as it was to be truly honest with myself about what I want in my life because it meant not having Mr. McMichael in my life, listening to my heart was the best thing I ever could have done, and I couldn't have done it without him.

Thank you, Mr. McMichael. I love you, always.