My virtual magic elixir

I got in to work this morning insanely early. That's something I love to do. I love getting to the office before anyone else is there; I think it's because it's so quiet and I can calmly start my day. When I get there and walk into the din of productivity in the hallways I feel rushed and frantic, like I'm late and I've missed my chance to get a jump start on the day, may as well give up now and resign myself to a day of surfin' the web. Just kidding, Internets (especially work colleagues), I don't do that. I swear. Only if I'm helping you buy 80s prom dresses.

At any rate, I've been riding the work-sponsored transportation in and this morning as we pulled into campus I noticed something funny with my vision. It was a strange blinking and river rippling sensation that seemed prominent in the outer periphery of my right eye, but when I focused on it, I realized it was also happening in the inner corner of my left eye.

At the time, I assumed it was just something tweaky probably because I had been reading (hello! I'm on book 5 of LMNT's Extreme Book-it Reading Challenge for Grown-ups... more on that in an upcoming post) while the vehicle was in motion. I decided to ignore it as I walked to my office. But when I finally got settled in and booted up my computer, the psychedelic strobe light river ripples appeared to be getting worse. I tried not to panic. I closed my eyes to see if that made a difference. Yep, even in the dark my eyeballs were tripping out.

So I did the most rational things anyone would do, I consulted the Internets. Turns out if you type in "psychedelic strobe light river ripples and eye" into the symptoms in WebMD, you don't really get anywhere. But, if you search by body part and then filter by symptoms, yeah, you are probably knocking on death's door.

Note to self: No matter how dire the health care industry gets, always know that WebMD is there for you, just like your good old trusted family physician.

I meandered through the symptom list until I found things that seemed remotely like I was experiencing. "Flickering light in vision" is a symptom of an ocular migraine, or plain old migraine. Nope, had those before and I knew that's not what it was. "Blinking eyes," epilepsy or Tourette syndrome. WHAT THE WHAT?! It was at this moment worst-case scenario LMNT surfaced, you know, the worrywort, and thought, "Oh, no. I may have Tourette's. I'm going to have to leave work today to get that checked out. But shoot, I didn't drive, and I can't catch the bus until 4:00. Plus I have so much work to do. Guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow to get officially diagnosed with that big scary disease." And then I swore and had the desire to touch an oven burner. Not completely satisfied, or sufficiently worried about the depressing future I would most certainly be facing, I decided to click on one more symptom. I really didn't want to be epileptic or have Tourette's. Heed this warning, Internets, be ye very careful when you click on "Shadow over part of vision," because the screen goes dark and a warning box pops up and tells you if you are experiencing shadows over part of your vision you should seek emergency medical attention... RIGHT NOW. YOU IDIOT. YOU ARE HAVING A STROKE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING DIAGNOSING YOURSELF ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB? GET TO A HOSPITAL.

And oddly enough, the moment I read those words, the acid trip my eyeballs were having ceased. Thanks, WebMD. Best part? No co-pay.