Where to begin?

Internets, as you know, I've been a bit of a laggard when it's come to posting these days. And apparently, when you neglect your blog, and seemingly have a dearth of "notes," the universe thinks its fitting to send you multiple notes simultaneously.

But because I have been a laggard, I won't throw all of the notes out at once, but spread them out over the next few posts. Welcome to the first in a series, note to self: remember to empty your bathroom trash bin before leaving the house.

I'm dog sitting for the Commish and Monster, something I have done many a time before. I think my house is pretty dog-proof and it helps that the pooch, Hayden, is really old and doesn't get into things. Or so I thought. When I came back to her last night, I walked into a bathroom full of shredded tissues. Blarg.

I figured she was just acting out, I mean she is a teenager and all, and I felt bad that I left her alone without anything to do. Maybe she was bored and this was how she was trying to tell me about it. And when I spoke with Monster this morning, she was thinking the same thing, because the dog doesn't eat tissues, she just likes to tear them up.

Ah, but she does like to eat other things.

(Internets, if you are of weak constitution, or don't like gross things, stop reading right now and come back tomorrow. Seriously, there's going to be too much information shared below. You've been warned.)

I was sitting in the TV room this morning and could hear Hayden making weird noises in the dining room. She does have a tendency of throwing up, or at least making gagging noises, so I ran out to see what was happening.

It bears noting that I never had pets growing up (save a couple of goldfish that we won at neighborhood carnivals), so I'm a bit of a novice when it comes to having a "dog-ready" house. But, my BFF growing up, did have a little Sheltie named Spice, and as I stood there over Hayden, I flashed back to a lesson I learned from Spice back in junior high. I remember walking into her house and into a scene not unlike the one from last night--shredded tissues everywhere. And Spice wasn't after the tissues, no. You see, my friend was one of three girls, so chances are on any given day "the sun could be out" in the house, meaning there was more than just tissues in the trash. And it was that more than just item that Spice was after.

Close up on me. Dread is striking me as I am standing over Hayden dry heaving. After much writhing and coughing, she finally produced something more than just a tissue. Yes, it was a tampon. Oh. My. God.